Emergency Excuse Generator
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Click to try
This device is a must-have for any respected professional. Any time the need arises, you will have an original, freshly-generated excuse ready in seconds. One press of the button can get you out of a tight spot ensuring smooth sailing toward retirement and guaranteeing that you don't have to perform any actual work.

How does it work
Simple: The device continuously monitors and decodes the brain waves coming from you, from your colleagues around the office, and from your boss, and uses the collected information to come up with a plausible excuse.

I'm pulling your leg, of course. We are talking about an office here; what brain waves?! Actually, the device uses the immense computational power and the 8K words program memory of a PIC16F690 microcontroller to demodulate an advanced lexico-semantical matrix and produce inexhaustible supply of random statements in Professional Business English, such as:
  • "I had to bring the ROI estimates in sync with our new vertical synergy paradigm shift",
  • or "I was facilitating our proactive procurement dynamics",
  • or "My gerbil died".
Check the other tabs of this site to get the schematics and code, pictures, to try the online emulator, or to customize the generator with your own text.

In case my boss is reading this...
In the unlikely case that my boss is reading this, I have one thing to say: Sorry for not being ready with that User Management GUI in time for the demo. You know I'm not a person who wastes time and procrastinates - I was just too busy facilitating our proactive procurement dynamics.

Also, my gerbil died.


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